Baseball Has a Heart, and Joe West Lets you Hear the Heartbeat

Voodoo Brown September 4, 2011 4

During today’s Phils/Marlins game, part-time upmire & full-time dickbag Joe West decided to apply the use of instant replay with his own interpretation of the rules. In the sixth inning, Hunter Pence hit a deep fly ball into right field, and two idiot Phillies fans decided to reach over the fence and try to catch the ball, of which there were two possible results: they make the catch and the home run doesn’t count, or they fall over the fence and become severely hurt or even killed. When will these people learn? Anyway, since they interfered with the Marlins fielder, Marlins Manager Jack McKeon came out to protest the interference. Here’s the catch: it was ruled a double on the field, and McKeon was definitely not coming out to argue that it would’ve been a home run for the Phils. MLB’s current replay protocol is very simple, keeping in line with the simple minds of the umpires: only home runs are reviewable. The application of MLB’s already misguided policy was completely out of line. I can predict what Joe West will say afterwards: something along the lines of wanting to see if it was indeed a homerun, and oh – holy shit – look at that fan interference. Scumbag.

Maybe it was Joe West’s inner artist that makes him feel like he’s entitled to rewrite the rules. After all, he is a country music superstar. Check out this clip from his blockbuster album, Diamond Dreams. He’s in creepmode from the gate. Comb through his site, cowboyjoewest.com, and you can get an up close look at the psychological mindset of a typical, God-complex MLB umpire. They think they are an integral part of the game. The truth is, umpires in the modern day game have way too much influence, and they are more of an obstacle. How many times have we seen a home plate umpire “calling a game” a certain way – tight strike zones, loose strike zones – um, if it’s a strike, it’s a strike because it’s a strike. Not because some fat asshole is feeling like the ball didn’t hit “his zone”. If Fox’s Pitchtracker has the ability to accurately record strikes then why can’t we utilize this technology? All it does is further expose the flaws of these umps.

Back to the replay topic, MLB needs to either accept instant replay the way football does it, or don’t do it at all. The managers would have 1-2 reviews per game. THEY would choose when to use them, not the umpires. Enough of the umpire power plays. The managers can request to review close calls on not only home runs, but fan interference, close plays at bases or home plate, catches, fair/foul hits. Strikes probably shouldn’t be reviewed, that would be tough. But coming up with a better solution while “preserving the sanctity of the game” can NOT be this difficult. Please fix this now, MLB. I can’t imagine how terrible it will be if something like this happens in the postseason.

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4 Comments »

  1. Gkay September 6, 2011 at 7:37 pm - Reply

    Looking at the picture it would appear that Joe West is smuggling dick bags into this country under his chin(s).

  2. phil September 7, 2011 at 12:17 am - Reply

    Just in….. Joe West has consumed more ballpark hotdogs than any other umpire this season

  3. Voodoo Brown September 7, 2011 at 12:29 am - Reply

    Yes he has… Have you gotten his album yet? The samples are amazing

  4. phil September 7, 2011 at 12:32 am - Reply

    Do you know a Joe West?

    No oh wait…. is he a great big fat person about a size 14?

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