9/11 is truly a day we will never forget as we opened up by going 3-1  in our Irish bomb explosions picks. There were many heroes that emerged from that fateful day whose honor will always be cherished in our gambling hearts. Ted Ginn Jr. is one of those great Americans.

Our Irish car bomb explosion pick of the week was going as expected as the SF 49ers were dominating the Seahawks in the first half. Pete Carroll was doing his part by continuing to play Tarvarus Jackson at quarterback. San Francisco wisely refused to widen their lead, deciding to kick 4 separate field goals from inside the 5 yard line in fear that a blowout would lead to a Tarvarus benching. The lead remained a paltry 16-0 at halftime, due to Harbaugh’s secret field goal weapon, Frank Gore.

Frank Gore loves getting stuffed at the goal line, as there is no better back at getting stonewalled from one yard out. The Niners had the ball on the 1 yard line six times in one series thanks to a Seattle penalty on 4th down, and gave Gore the ball all 6 times. He has the perfect form, low center of gravity, head and eyes completely down towards the turf setting up the perfect target to get stoned and dropped by a minimum of 4 unblocked defenders. Gore sprints right towards the line defying science by creating zero momentum once the initial contact is made. No back is better than Gore of collapsing straight down to the ground when met with any resistance like he heard gunshots. He goes straight into planking mode on the field turning his head to the sideline to see if he somehow the goal line was moved forward during the play.

I don’t think he could score if the ball was snapped from 3 yards inside the end zone. I think San Fran’s offensive line enjoys it too, as each lineman took turns completely missing blocks during this 6 play shelling. All of this intentional non-scoring almost led to disaster as Seattle, 5.5 point dogs, eventually threatened a backdoor cover pulling within 2 points with just 3 minutes remaining. Now we needed a touchdown to cover, we needed a hero to rise above the ashes left by Gore at the ground zero yard line, we needed Ted Ginn Junior!

Somehow Seattle doesn’t have a kicker that can force a touchback in today’s game and that opened up the opportunity for Ginn to go to the house and put us back up by 9 into cover city. Seattle had one last chance to get the cover, but after failing on 3rd down with 2 minutes to go, another hero emerged, Pete Carroll. Knowing that their best chance to move the ball downfield was to punt and hope that Ginn fumbles the ball away. Even though Ginn just scored, Carroll knew it was his only chance, so he rolled the dice. Ginn did not fumble, and he predictably ran the punt back for yet another touchdown cementing the win for the Irish Car bomb. I will always remember 9/11, now on to this weeks bombs.

 

Rex Grossman: 2011 Comeback Player of the Year

Arizona @ Washington -3.5
People hate Rex Grossman. They say his name in a drawn out anger filled manner like it is a noun to describe terrible. People throw out any logical sense in a bet if the opponent is Rex. “I don’t care how many Giants are hurt bro, Washington is starting Rex Fucking Grossman man. I mean come on, Reexxxx Grossman!!!” I’m not sure they even know why they hate him anymore, it just seems like the right thing to do. Normally I’m all about hating someone for no reason, but I don’t like to follow. Yes, he was an erratic quarterback in Chicago, but there were and are much worse quarterbacks in the League that people are indifferent about. People who think the Bears would have won the Superbowl if it wasn’t for him are hilarious.

The Bears fluked their way through that season with magical bounces and bad opponents and would have been slaughtered by Peyton Manning no matter who the QB was. Arizona is an extremely overrated team coming into this year, and last week did nothing to change my mind on that. Their secondary allowing Cam Newton to throw for 400 yards is abysmal and I don’t see them stopping Washington at all on Sunday.

In addition, Tim Hightower is apparently set on getting his old team back with a “historic” day in his words. I always like it when a mediocre player has a revenge game and he has to remind the media and his teammates of where he used to play. No one gives a shit that Hightower played for Arizona, except him. No one thinks he got a raw deal but him. I’m not big on revenge games, but I am big on wars being waged by one man where the opponent has no idea it has been announced.

Bottom Line: Washington -3.5
3 bombs!!!

 

No QB controversy here.

Cleveland @ Indianapolis +2
This is basically one of my favorite type of fades, when a team looks so bad one week they are just completely dismissed as even being a valid team. Usually people say things like “I don’t care who they are playing next week, I’m pounding them!” Hence, we have The Cleveland Browns as road favorites in Luke Oil, unheard of.

I need the Colts to win this game, so I don’t have to hear all week on ESPN how Peyton Manning is the most important player in the history of any team’s success. He is the machine that calls all the plays, has the perfect passing delivery that wills all of his incompetent teammates into the right places to make them winners. He runs the salary cap, got the zoning laws for the new stadium, and bore all the sons of Indiana.

If any star quarterback went down, their team would suck for a while. The Packers were the best team in football last year, then Aaron Rodgers got hurt and they scored 3 points in Detroit. Kerry Collins is old, he had a terrible game in Houston last week, he can beat Colt McCoy.
Bottom Line: Indy +2 
3 bombs!!!

 

The Creation of Tebow

Cincinnati +3.5 @ Denver
Things are such a mess in Denver right now, besides the multiple injuries, the fans are chanting the name of Saint H-back to be their starting QB. I like when a season is completely unraveled after one week. A couple of rich fans have pooled up $10,000 to buy a billboard in downtown Denver pleading to make Tim Tebow the starter. Nothing screams having too much money than buying personal billboard space.

Obviously, they do it for publicity which they got. It is the only reason billboards still exist in any city that doesn’t average over an hour waiting time during rush hour. It’s all so 1950s, the fact that men still have to climb up there and paint billboards every month is mind blowing to me for some reason. John Fox should reply only in billboards and get into an arms race. What would Jesus Do? Keep Tebow on the bench.
Bottom Line: Cinncy +3.5
2 bombs!!

 

IRISH CAR BOMB DETONATION OF THE WEEK:

This guy will tear you to shreds.

Oakland @ Buffalo -3
A lot is talked about West Coast teams that are forced to travel east for an early Sunday game and their failures. They have gone over the top with this talk about the Raiders this week because they had to play Monday night in Denver’s altitude, then back to Oakland and finally Buffalo on a short work week. These teams are not travelling by train across the country. It isn’t a 4 day expedition where they will have to fight off Indians and keep wild life from killing their horses. Hell, they don’t even have to check in online in time to secure up “A” seating on their Southwest saver. They are professional athletes flying in private chartered jets on lazy boy recliners. It is quicker for the Raiders to leave their house and play in Buffalo then it is if they had to play at San Francisco. None of them would know how to drive themselves around city traffic and set their GPS.

Sometimes the reason these West Coast teams lose out East is because they are the worse team, not because they are jet lagged from their 3 hour plane ride from earlier in the week. I have nothing against the Raiders, except maybe Jason Campbell who is currently in his 7th season of excused terrible football. It amazes me how no one cares how bad Campbell is every year, and teams simply forget every off season that he is awful. This play, though, is more based on what is going on in Buffalo. I know KC is going to be a mess because Father Weiss left them, but they really did dismantle the Chiefs on the road.

Fitzpatrick really came on in Chan Gailey’s offense last year and they picked up where they left off. They got younger and better by finally getting rid of Lee Evans, probably because they were sick of looking at him and hearing from everyone else say how he is good.

Steve Johnson is a rising star who started off his career brilliantly by blaming God for dropping a ball. I love him. Their best acquisition  was signing former Tequila beater Shawn Merriman. This shrewd move ensured that their defense would have ready access to the best steroids available from the close by Canadian market. Merriman is the drug mule they needed who does not care and will willingly go over the border on a weekly basis to hoard as much steroids as he can jam into his girlfriend’s orifices. These Bills strike me as one of those surprise teams that could start off at 6-1 waiting to fall apart only after everyone takes notice of them. Now is the time to ride them.
Bottom Line: Buffalo -3
5 Car bombs!!!!

 

 

Record to date:  3-1

Bombage: +7 bombs

Irish Car Bomb GOW: 1-0

 

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CJ Sullivan
CJ Sullivan has been a staple in the Los Angeles and Chicago comedy scene for many years. CJ has been on Comedy Central and performs in numerous comedy clubs across the country. His writing credentials include projects for A&E network, Comedy Central, Robert Smigel, and XM/Sirius radio. Sullivan, also a World Series of Poker winning professional poker player, garnered the #1 comedy album spot on iTunes for his newly released stand up comedy album “What am I Complaining About?”.

3 COMMENTS

  1. I love this article! Finally, someone with an opinion that is worth reading. However, I disagree with almost everything he or she has written.

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