If week 2 of the NFL season reminded us that it is a lie. The third week stepped it up a notch by also telling us it is a joke. We did okay by hitting our Irish Car Bomb of the Week with Denver, but still wound up 2-2.

The hilarious joke that NFL told at the end of the Bears/Packers game is what prevented the 3-1 results. There is nothing like an inexplicable hose job to remind us of exactly who is always in charge.

The Bears, getting 3.5 points, were down by 10 with one minute remaining about to receive the ball. Up until this point the Packers were dominating the game and fully deserved of the victory, which of course means nothing in covering the spread.

Chicago was set up for a vintage backdoor cover if they could score a “meaningless” touchdown and only lose by 3. Lovie Smith, realizing the importance of covering the number, called for a trick play punt return that was executed to perfection. All eyes were on the best kick returner of all time, Devin Hester, as he ran to the left side of the field faking like he was going to receive the punt. It confused everyone, as the ball went to the other side and Johnny Knox who was all alone to rush up the sideline for a touchdown to cover city. The Packers called it the greatest play they have ever seen. Lovie did it! He didn’t save this play for some game where the victory was in balance. No, he pulled out his greatest play so that the Bears could cover the spread!

Unfortunately, the play also confused the refs, so one simply dropped a flag out of his pocket because something had to have been wrong. Once they realized the play was legal, instead of picking up the flag, they threw out the old stock joke of “holding”. Holding is the stand by for a penalty that can’t be argued because it happens on every play. “Ok ref, who held then? what number?” This where the joke gets pretty good. First they say #21 was guilty of holding, and all replays showed he was just standing around and could not of possibly be the guy they were talking about. “Alright, how about #29” , ref responds. Yeah, there is no #29 on the Bears roster. “Really? huh? You would think there would be, oh well, bring it back boys”

It really was one of the best jokes I have seen the NFL tell in a while, so I have to give them credit for that. Watch the hilarity

Week 4’s Picks:

New England -4 @ Oakland
No one was happier with the collapse of the Red Sox and subsequent firing of their manager Terry Francona than Bill Belichick. He never liked that the Red Sox were more popular, and he certainly hated the fact there was another heralded coach in his city.

Bill Belichick, mumbling miserable prick

The NFL Network is airing a behind the scenes show where they followed Belichick for a full season, and it just shows that he is mumbling miserable prick. For the record, I am fine with that being mumbling and miserable myself, but its amazing to see the lengths people go to make everyone believe that he is such a great guy if we only knew him. Most football coaches are not great, fun guys, they only pretend to be. That is the reason why I like Belichick, he acts and dresses exactly how he is, miserable fucking grey.

Earlier this week, Raiders linebacker Rolondo McClain called the Patriots a “finesse team”. What was he thinking? Don’t say that Rolondo, whatever you do don’t give the Patriots any extra motivation by providing “BULLETIN BOARD MATERIAL!!!” Now they are going to cut that article out of the newspapers they read every day and pin it right up on their bulletin board in their locker room right under the reminder for Friday’s Wes Welker’s Columbus Day Dinner Party.

Only dumb fans would think that quote is an insult, let alone extra motivation to win. Well, dumb fans and miserable prick coaches who can now make his meatdope players forget that they are a finesses team that throws the ball 80% of the time with a star QB that does commercials for UGG boots.

Bottom Line: Patriots -4
3 bombs!!

 

Love those Browns!

Tennessee Pk @ Cleveland
The Cleveland Browns are not the worst team in football, but they are easily the worst team to watch play football.  Everything about them is  aesthetically displeasing.  I hate watching people watch the Browns.

It seems like the Browns play the Browns every week, as if every week it is just an inter-scrimmage of all 100 players on their bland rosters . They  make their opponents look as ugly as them.  No matter the jersey color of the other team it will never sync up with the Browns shit colored bland look.

They even go as far as to make the other team play like the Browns.  If the team is better than Cleveland, than they get so confused in the awfulness surrounding them that they just give in to the mob mentality and assume this how things are done there. If the team happens to be worse, the Browns will oblige my letting them hang around long enough to possibly get a win. That is always the worst kind, because then that team becomes like the Browns where they get an unexpected win and give themselves false hope. That ultimately leads to the bigger fall into misery, which is exactly where the Browns want you.

The Browns target this week will be  Matt Hasselback, who thinks he is resurrecting his career this year in Nashville. They will let him win and feel good before his imminent downfall.

Bottom Line: Tennessee (Pick’em)
2 bombs!!

 

Rough start for the 0-3 Vikes

Minnesota -2 @ Kansas City
This my favorite type of game where you have two bad teams that have yet to win.  It is a game that draws lines in what kind of organization they are. Do they seize the opportunity to keep losing, or do they want a fleeting moment of glory in beating someone who is equally as bad as them?

The Vikings look like they get it so far, as they continue to squander talent and big first half leads. Last week, they were up 20-0 against Detroit and brilliantly gave the ball to the best running back in the league 5 times in the second half to ensure another loss. Adrian Peterson is becoming a problem for Minnesota, as he is hell bent on winning games by demanding the ball more. That kind of attitude will not get you Andrew Luck.

Last week on a crucial 4th and 1, while clinging to a 3 point lead, the Vikings sent out the field goal unit to keep the door open for the Lions comeback. Peterson waived the kicker off and demanded that they go for it and actually try to win the game.

Coach Leslie Frazier knew that he couldn’t upset his biggest star in front of everyone, especially with 70,000 fans kind of agreeing with AP. So, Frazier did the only thing he could, he went for it. However, in a brilliant move he decided to not give the ball to the greatest player in the League and opted for a dive play to Peterson’s back up, Toby Gerhardt. Toby was stuffed short of course, and the Lions eventually won the game in overtime, crisis averted.

This week, though, there will be too much to overcome to get their badly need loss.  Not only do the Vikings face a less talented and even more inept team in Kansas City, but now they have two angrily motivated stars to deal with.

All Pro defensive end Jared Allen used to play for Kansas City and was beloved there, and he has it in his head that he was somehow wronged by the team.  Forget the fact that he signed for $73 million with the Vikings after getting 2 DUIs in Kansas City leading to a suspension from the NFL, they wronged him.

Bottom Line: Vikings-2
2 bombs!!

 

 

IRISH CAR BOMB DETONATION OF THE WEEK:

 

We support Del Rio's decision to release Garrard... bring back the suit though

New Orleans -7  @  Jacksonville
A lot was made by the decision of Jaguars head coach, Jack Del Rio, to release their starting Pro Bowl quarterback 4 days before the season started.  It was a strange move, but in his defense, that quarterback was David Garrard.

Not that Garrard is that bad of a quarterback, you just always know what you’re going to get with him. And what you get, is a 6-10 record. He will make your team 6-10 regardless of your talent. If you have a 2 win team, than he will put them on his back and lead them to overachieve with 6 victories. If you have a 10 win team, than Garrard will put on the brakes and slip that squad into a disappointing 6 wins.

Del Rio has seen this movie before, so he cut him and gave a rookie his chance to lead his team to mediocrity.  If Garrard was at the helm on Sunday, this would be exactly the type of game they would win as a big home underdog.  Luckily for us and Jacksonville fans, he spared us of that.
 
Bottom Line: New Orleans -7
5 Irish Car Bomb Detonations!!!!!

 

Last Week : 2-2   (+3 bombs)

Year to Date:  6-5-1   (+6 bombs)

Irish Car Bomb of Week:  2-0-1

 

 

 

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CJ Sullivan
CJ Sullivan has been a staple in the Los Angeles and Chicago comedy scene for many years. CJ has been on Comedy Central and performs in numerous comedy clubs across the country. His writing credentials include projects for A&E network, Comedy Central, Robert Smigel, and XM/Sirius radio. Sullivan, also a World Series of Poker winning professional poker player, garnered the #1 comedy album spot on iTunes for his newly released stand up comedy album “What am I Complaining About?”.

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