Over lunch on Monday, I turned to Jeff Lite and noted I wasn’t sure how I would open my illustrious column / blog / pouring out of my soul. Fast forward to my coming across a little nugget on my Samsung Droid Charge, the best phone money can buy. (No, I’m not getting paid for that endorsement.)
Let me take this opportunity to thank the great fat, overrated, annoying, over-played, too sweaty, bad hat wearing, awful vest owning, no talent Hank Williams, Jr. for comparing President Barrack Obama to Adolph Hitler. Now, before you read on, let me admit that I am a card carrying Republican. I will look you in the face and tell you that George W. Bush was a good man, though I believe he surrounded himself with creeps and selfish war mongers but enough about my political beliefs. It was the comments by this absent minded hillbilly that initiated the thought: THIS HOG NEEDS TO BE DISMISSED FROM PROFESSIONAL SPORTS. I know I’m not the only one tired of seeing and hearing his cottage cheesed face and gut jiggling across my one hundred and twenty inches of television screens I have in my home during Monday Night Football. For a moment, let’s rewind back to 2006: Ole’ Hank was locked up for grabbing a hotel waitress by the neck and tossing her yelling, “I’m Hank Williams, Jr. bitch,” after he tried to kiss her and she refused. This moniker for ESPN’s Monday Night Football has become a world class creep and do I have to remind you who owns ESPN? Disney. Let’s hope his current hiatus from the broadcast is permanent.
So, what else needs to be removed from the professional sporting world? Stuart Scott is overdone and I’d have no problem if I never saw his “I’m with you playa” routine again. Just about every black guy I’ve met is fairly cool to very cool. Stu, on the other, is not. I’m also finished with the Tampa Bay Rays’ stadium. Catwalk ground rules don’t belong in Major League Baseball. While we’re at it, let’s kick the Nashville and Columbus hockey teams out of the NHL and maybe add another Canadian team. It is their sport, after all.
Surprisingly, I’d like to have overly attractive women removed as sideline reporters in college sports. Am I the only one who thinks every top college football player has made a move on Erin Andrews? I also can’t be the only one who thinks their looks got them their jobs. I prefer credibility when it comes to sports reporting. Swear to God. Yes, I fully understand you don’t believe me.
I’m also good with losing instant replay in baseball, along with half the major league umpires and most of the current rules under the NBA’s collective bargaining agreement. All that being said, I’d be happy if the NFL guaranteed players’ salaries and every other sport did not. Football is the only sport that deserves this. The average career is 3.5 years and the risk of immediate and long term injury is far greater than in any other sport.
What would you like removed from the world of professional sports? Post below or feel free to email me at Darren@voodoobrown.com
Now that I have your thinking caps on, here are your 2011 Week Four NFL Notes & Musings…
This is very painful for me to say, but Andy Reid is the sole reason that the Eagles are struggling. He is the reason a very unqualified, though well respected, man is the defensive coordinator. He is the reason that their early round draft picks struggle to make this team and he is the reason they can’t finish games. This Eagles team had a 20 point lead late in the third quarter and Philly boasts a top 5 running back, yet this head coach decided that 9 total rushing attempts for the game was enough for Lesean McCoy. I almost cracked my skull head butting my own fists during that second half. I also screamed enough profanity to make Andrew “Dice” Clay sound like he reads actual nursery rhymes. I’m not proud of this.
The Eagles, by the way, managed to let up scoring drives in the second half of 80, 77 and 77 yards (all touchdown drives) in the second half to the 32nd ranked offense coming in to this game. In case you’re not sure, there are 32 teams in the NFL. Which brings me to a comment I made to Jeff Lite as the Birds surmounted a 23-3 lead: “No way they let Alex Smith come back on them. It’s Goodnight, Irene.” I hate being an Eagles fan.
Congratulations to Chicago’s Devin Hester who set an NFL record with his 11th punt return for a touchdown against Carolina, breaking the record of the great Eric Metcalf. Man, I loved watching Eric Metcalf play. One of the game’s most exciting players ever. Matt Forte also ran for a career high 205 yards against the Panthers.
The Bears rushed for 224 yards as a team which is the most they have recorded since 1988! Way too long. Sweetness must be turning over in his grave.
Letdown loss for Buffalo as predicted here in the Office Pool. Or, as I said to a large group of buddies in town from New York on Saturday night, “take Cincinnati, OUTRIGHT!”
Tennessee’s former solid offensive coordinator Mike Heimerdinger died on Saturday of cancer. He was 58 years old and, interestingly enough, he had a rare form and was in Mexico taking on experimental treatment when he passed. Cancer is the worst disease this planet has ever known and I’d like to take a moment to ask you to always give, when you have the opportunity, to the American Cancer Society. Don’t think it’s that big of a deal? Grab me sometime and ask me to tell you why.
The Titans’ safety Jordan Babineaux’s nickname is “Big Play Babs.” Yeah, it really shouldn’t be.
I just can’t wrap my brain around the seemingly league wide media protection of Chokey Romo . He throws three interceptions with a 24 point lead, 2 returned for touchdowns and a third to set up the Lions for the big comeback win yet any national media member within ear shot pleads his interceptions weren’t his fault. Let me make my own personal statement addressed to all those media members: Yes, they were his fault. Find another team to focus on and write about.
That 24 point lead that Dallas lost, by the way, was the largest in franchise history.
Calvin Johnson has surpassed Andre Johnson as the best wide receiver on the planet.
Holy mackerel! As I write this, Curtis Granderson just made an amazing catch in the NLDS against the Detroit Tigers! Wow!!
Houston has outscored their opponents 76-13 in the first half this season, through week four.
The Steelers are -10 in the turnover margin through week four.
Ben Roethlisrapist (thought this would be a good time to remind everyone he was accused of rape twice) has been sacked 14 times already through week four. Ouch.
It’s time for everyone’s favorite new feature! KICK IN THE BALLS! Sunday at 1 pm: 23-3 lead. Lose 24-23. Later that night, the Phillies are up 4-0 with Cliff Lee on the mound against the Cardinals in game 2 of the NLDS. Lose 5-4 and I have to hear the TBS sideline reporter throw out how the Philly fans had to endure two big lead losses today. KICK! IN! THE! BALLS!
New Orleans became the first NFC South team to win in Jacksonville. Tampa Bay, Atlanta and Carolina and the Saints had been a combined 0-8.
The Shaguars have lost 6 of their last 7 games, dating back to last season.
Current and past Eagles quarterbacks (Michael Vick, Kevin Kolb and Donovan McNabb) are a combined 2-10 this year. Perhaps another sign that the Andy Reid era in Philadelphia may be over.
Despite the Chiefs win over Minnesota, I still feel that Todd Haley should be the first coach to lose his job. That being said, I’m guessing that Miami’s head coach Tony Sparano doesn’t sleep much. First, possible replacements including Jim Harbaugh (who eventually signed with San Francisco) were trudged right past his office during the off season. It was widely known that the Dolphins, who are a mess, were looking to replace him. Now, he starts off 0-4 and they lose their shaky quarterback Chad Henne to a bad shoulder injury. The worst endorsement I’ve ever heard, by the way, was by Miami’s management that Sparano will absolutely keep his job through their bye week. Just fire the guy. Better yet, Tony, if you have any pride you should quit.
Is it more than ironic that in David Akers’ (all time scoring leader in Eagles history) first return to the Linc that his rookie replacement misses two makeable field goals of 33 and 39 yards? I’m not blaming this loss on the rookie kicker but they did lose by one. Something to ponder…
So, the Redskins and Giants are 3-1 and the Eagles are 1-3. New York is well coached and, gulp, has a proven, at times, winning quarterback. I’m going to throw my you know what on the table and Darrentee the Redskins do not make the playoffs. I just can’t have the least bit of confidence in Rex Grossman.
Chris Cooley and Mike Ditka are tied for receptions by a tight end at 427.
I sure you hope you noticed all the breast cancer awareness pink gear being worn by all the players this past weekend.
Atlanta has no shot of winning the NFC for this reason alone: Their head coach (Mike Smith) is overrated and similar to Jack Del Rio in that he’s a tremendous motivator but not a solid gameday coach. That being said, Matt Ryan will win a Superbowl before his career is over. Anyone who’s read this column / blog / pouring out of my soul, knows Matty Ice has been my guy since his last year at Boston College. I will also acknowledge that Mike Smith is now 5-0 in games played on the West Coast.
There is no question that Aaron Rodgers is the league’s MVP. He has become the most accurate passer I have seen in so long that I don’t know I can find someone better. He could have Manny, Moe and Jack lined up at wide receiver and throw for 400 yards. On Sunday, he became the first player in MODERN DAY HISTORY to throw for 400 yards, throw 4 touchdown passes and rush for 2 touchdowns. I just can’t see anyone in the NFC beating Green Bay in the post-season if they stay healthy.
I understand the new security measures but it took forever to get in to the Linc on Sunday. Adjustments need to be made.
Wes Welker is on pace for 160 receptions and 2,400 yards receiving. My goodness.
Dear Jason Campbell: Patrick Chung does not play for the Raiders. Regards, Darren.
Very classy of Oakland to hold a moment of silence before the game for Myra Kraft, the recently deceased wife of Patriots owner Robert Kraft, their opponent on Sunday. Very classy. I rip the Raiders a lot. On Sunday, they got that one right.
12 games and counting for New England scoring 30 or more points. 2 more to tie the record.
Tom Brady’s two touchdown passes places him at ninth place in NFL history, just above Joe Montana.
True story: A friend of mine who attended the Chargers – Dolphins game said the PA announcer referred to Miami running back Reggie Bush as Reggie Jackson. That’s weak.
The Ravens have won 12 of their last 13 at home and are 19-1 when scoring 30 points under offensive coordinator Cam Cameron.
If you’re a Jets fan, you throw that Sunday night debacle out the window. Wish I could say the same about the Eagles.
And finally…Dear Indianapolis: Let Curtis Painter play. It’s a win, win for you. No other option will get you to the post-season. You either get Peyton Manning’s backup some experience or you get Stanford’s stud quarterback Andrew Luck in the draft to be the heir to Peyton. I know you have a right to try your best to win every game, but trust me…your fans will be happier in the long run if you just let Painter play and grow and shelve Kerry Collins. Oh, and fire the guy who ultimately decided to pay Collins four million dollars this year. Best regards, Darren DeGaetano.
Don’t forget to check out my Friday “What To Watch For” as I spotlight the weekend’s top games and entertainment.