It was great week for the bombs last Sunday as we went 3-1, and somehow avoided the Leagues latest joke. The joke was told in Arizona when the NFL took away a win from the Cardinals by making up a rule on the spot when it appeared that the Giants’ Victor Cruz fumbled away the game. They even gave it a title, called the “surrender rule”.

They claimed that even though the receiver was not touched on the ground, he voluntarily surrendered himself down, thus ending the play. Hilarious. Sometimes the League has to dig deeper for their desired results and just dig up some old rule that they never omitted  from the book and apply it when necessary. I don’t have time to get into it again, but if you want to see it, here’s the video:

The best joke this week was told by ESPN when they fired true funnyman Hank Williams Jr. from singing their played out intro song to Monday Night Football. As one probably already has heard, Bocephus did his thing this week when he compared President Obama to Adolf Hitler on the show Fox and Friends.

That is where Hank messed up. He thought he was on safe grounds with the Fox News Network, but by using Hitler as the punchline even they knew that was wrong. If he used a lesser known evil tyrant, say Pope Clement V, he might have been able to get away with it. Hell, hearing the word “Pope” would probably make those morning idiots on Fox think it was a compliment, not knowing he was referring to the man who led the Inquisition.

Apparently, after 20 years ESPN just realized that Hank Williams Jr. is a crazy shit kickin conservative, and that is not what football fans are about. Does ESPN really think people are going to boycott their telecasts, because people are angry about the beliefs of the guy who hams through the intro song? It’s fucking Monday night football, we are going to watch it if you start the telecast with animated Mongols wearing Colts helmets slaughtering any team that resists them.

We all knew going in, that Bocephus hates a lot of things, mainly all minorities and northerners. But can’t we separate his personal beliefs with his amazing catchphrase “Are you ready for some football?” Do we have to have every form of entertainment done by the most neutral, unoffensive mannequins we can find?

Corporations always come out with the statement that the person’s opinions don’t represent that of the company, but they never come out and say what their opinion is. Okay ESPN, then what is your take on Obama? We heard Hank’s, what say you? What about the people who do think Obama is Hitler? Now are you going to offend them by getting some new singer who does not believe what they do. I don’t care what anybody’s crazy opinion is, as long as they state it. And if they actually believe in it, well that makes it even funnier.

 

Are you ready for some Car bombs????

 

Green Bay @ Atlanta over 53:
Speaking of hilarious old southern coots, Brett Favre is aging like fine moonshine. I was never a fan of his when he was the adored best QB in the League for Green Bay, but he certainly has grown on me. He was pretty funny with the Jets, slapstick guffaw funny with the Vikings, and now he is full on great as a bitter bumpkin on his Mississippi farm.

Brett Favre: Aging like fine moonshine

Favre did an interview this week saying that he was not surprised his successor, Aaron Rodgers, won a Super Bowl with his Packers but that it took so long. Even though last year was only Rodgers’ third as the starting quarterback, Favre thinks since he had time to learn from him and the team was so good that he should of won even quicker. Man he is great.

Yes Brett, the Packers team you left was very talented and the only reason it did not win a Super bowl 3 years ago is because of your free-ballin’ passes that always got intercepted.   I am sure you gave him great knowledge along the way, like how to play a game with your chin strap unbuckled to complete the rugged look, and farting in the huddle to break the tension.

Rodgers had to waste his first season unlearning your bullshit, use his second year to be great, and finally his third to be the best QB in the League. Rodgers is an amazing QB that has his offense hitting on all cylinders right now. He accounted for 6 touchdowns last week and they simply can not be stopped right now.

Atlanta’s defense is heartless and refuses to even show resistance to anyone. If they could not figure out Tarvarus Jackson last week (300 yards and 28 points), then they will gladly bend over for the Packer juggernaut. The only thing preventing this from being a play on Green Bay is that it is a night game in Atlanta, and that means everyone is going to be frisky.

The Falcons have a good offense too, especially at home. When combined with the Freaknik atmosphere and notorious strip club scene, this game will be hopping with points. I’m a little weary of the Falcons back dooring a cover, so lets just enjoy the party and watch the points.

Bottom Line: Packers/ Falcons over 53  
3 bombs!!!

 

 

Oakland +6 @ Houston
People do not like Oakland’s quarterback, Jason Campbell. I have sometimes wondered how he continues to keep a job. He is not bad, nor he is good, he is just there. Jason Campbell makes his is living more on the side of what he is not. He is not a fuck up, he is not reckless, and he will not lose a game for you. He might not win it, but he won’t lose it.

Jason Campbell: mucking his way to mediocrity

To put in poker terms, Campbell is the best folder in the League. He quietly throws two pair in the muck when he knows he is beat. He is never drawing for the flush and he quietly accepts defeat down after down.

Some quarterbacks like to fold their hands face up to show what a great player they are. After getting raised by a blitz, they will spike their Ace on the field and berate some poor slot WR for running the wrong route. Not Campbell, he will throw the ball away after 3 seconds in the pocket regardless if there is any pressure on him or not. He knows whats coming.

The best part about him, is that no one knows about him and his mastery of managing the game. People assume he is erratic, because they only watch him once a year, and in those game he intentionally throws a bad interception. Its called table image.

Everyone saw him throw an inexplicable pick in the end zone last week versus the Patriots. It was such a bad and uncharacteristic pass, that the only explanation was that he was setting up the long con. Now everyone goes back to the assumption that he is a terrible player, and that’s when he traps you with middle set.

Bottom Line: Oakland +6
2 bombs!!

 

 

Pittsburgh -3 vs Tennessee:
People are pretty quick to end the Steeler’s season only a month into it. I know they are banged up and have not been as dominant as we are accustomed to seeing them, but the criticism has gone over the top. That is what happens in today’s non-stop ESPN world, we have all week to analyze everything we have seen and are forced to predict the rest.

The Steelers are a veteran team, they are not “too old” as everyone is calling them. They returned 21 out of 22 starters of a Super Bowl team from six months ago! Analysts act like this team’s last glory days were a decade ago and we are watching the old white knees of Kevin McHale and Larry Bird. It is either because 6 months ago in the current times seems like 10 years ago, or it’s because people are simply sick of the Steelers being good.

Roethlisberger prefers the "Gulliver's Travels" technique when it comes to taking a sack

I know I am sick of them being good, but it doesn’t mean I am going to deny the truth. The biggest injury is to Ben Rothlisberger, who comes into Sunday very hobbled. He is always hobbled, and he always plays through it usually with better results. Ben is actually a better quarterback when he is hurt than when healthy. I think he actually tries to hurt himself during games. No one takes a longer time to get sacked than Rothlisberger. Once a lineman gets a hold of him, he doesn’t drop to the ground to protect himself. He becomes stiff as a board, taking his time dropping one body part at a time inviting other defenders to rope him down like Gulliver’s Travels.

I said last week that Matt Hassleback will get a swollen ego once the Browns let him destroy them. Now is when reality hits.

Bottom Line: Steelers-3
2 bombs!!

 

 

IRISH CAR BOMB DETONATION OF THE WEEK:

 

Carolina +6.5 vs. New Orleans:
Cam Newton’s excellence has surprised everyone in the League so far. No one thought that #1 overall pick would be good in the NFL because he came from a spread offense in college, had off the field issues, and is not a good looking white model.

The spread offense is actually ran in the NFL as well, but just the passing aspect. The two best teams in the League, the Patriots and Packers, constantly have 4 wide receivers spread out to create mismatches. They just don’t run the option game that comes with with it in college. That’s why its hilarious to me when they say he didn’t come from a Pro style offense, like the I-formation. You mean Newton didn’t come from a 1980s style of an NFL offense when plays were called “waggle” and “belly right”.

Cam is proving that he was severely underpaid when he played for Auburn

Cam’s most famous off the field problems last year which earned him the label as “troublemaker” was when his dad illegally accepted $150 K from college in order for his son to play for them. That part I kind of agree with, because he was grossly underpaid. It shows he did not know his true market value as a player who could single handily bring a National Championship to that school in one year. I’m willing to chalk that up to inexperience.

The third criticism is a long staple of football. Coaches actually recruit quarterbacks on face symmetry and classic good looks, because that is what we believe they should be.

Last year they drafted Jimmy Clausen as their franchise quarterback. There is no bigger fraud and example of this rule than Clausen. He is the youngest of 3 brothers who are handsome tall men that conned their way through mediocre college careers. Jimmy was the father’s golden goose. He was the perfect specimen. Bleach blond hair, perfect face, went to Notre Dame, fucking terrible athlete. I would hardly trust him to help me move. But after years of trial and error, Mr. Clausen convinced an NFL team to give him $20 million.

New coach Ron Rivera saw enough on film to know they needed a change. He knew he was going to have to get someone who was so good, despite him not being a good looking white neighbor, that they could not help but put him on the field. Enter Cam Newton.

The Panthers are an extremely undervalued team, because they have not got their signature “win” yet. They have been in every game so far, and usually outplayed their opponent. I think they win outright this week to a Saint team that will be sleepwalking through this one, and even if they don’t 6 points at home is a gift.

Bottom Line: Irish Car Bomb of the Week, Carolina +6.5 
5 bombs!!!!!

 

 

Last Week:  3-1  (+8 bombs)

Year to date:  9-6-1   (+14 bombs)

Irish Car bomb of the Week:   3-0-1

 

 

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CJ Sullivan
CJ Sullivan has been a staple in the Los Angeles and Chicago comedy scene for many years. CJ has been on Comedy Central and performs in numerous comedy clubs across the country. His writing credentials include projects for A&E network, Comedy Central, Robert Smigel, and XM/Sirius radio. Sullivan, also a World Series of Poker winning professional poker player, garnered the #1 comedy album spot on iTunes for his newly released stand up comedy album “What am I Complaining About?”.

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