Bill looking for tape
Bill looking for tape

PICKS OF THE WEEK: $60,000 Budget

QB TYROD TAYLOR $6300

Ride the bills. Rex Ryan is an emotional coach. Buffalo will win 8 games then skip the rest of the season and only do post game interviews. The Bills have plenty of talent but most importantly, there’s still next to zero tape on Tyrod Taylor.  No tape. He might as well be invisible. Bill Belichick needs tape. He loves tape. Any way this game goes the Bills will get plenty of opportunities and Tyrod is a STEAL!

RB DEANGELO WILLIAMS $7400

He rolled in Pittsburgh’s offense week one against the pats.  Don’t look for the niners to have an answer. Teddy Bridgewater week 1 was the worst thing that could have happened to the Niners and their real live gorilla coach. Not only is the Steeler’s line no longer an issue, but it’s the most versatile part of their offense. All defenses will look average against what will eventually be the best offense in the league.  After Martavis Bryant and Leveon Bell return we should all start every Steeler possible.  DeAngelo is a STEAL!

ADRIAN PETERSON $9000

Let’s do this. Home team. Superman. Lions D.

ODELL BECKHAM JR $8700

The Giants are going home.  And home is Odell Beckham’s glorious, shining, bleach blond halfro. Atlanta was garbage versus an overrated Eagles Offense week one and will get tested for 4 quarters at Giants Stadium. ODB is still dominating targets and the whole team has Jerry Jones’ stretched face burned into their brains. Julio is in town and the Giants will answer with the son of Odell Beckham Sr.

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Mike McCarthy giving Pete Carroll advice

WR RANDALL COBB $8200

Mike McCarthy talks like he’s swallowing stew. Which made it extra hard to listen to him blame his play calling in the NFC Championship game on an arbitrary bullshit number of running plays that he had decided he would like to “hit”. That’s why you went 3 and out with the game on the line and the best player in the league?  Because you wanted to run “20 run plays” in the second half? Totally. Winning football games is so simple if you just eliminate decisions. Throw on a blind fold coach. This week’s match-up is only a regular season game. Which means Green Bay should play loose, and without the nerves of a 4th string undrafted free agent tight end recovering an onside kick that could send the best team in the league to their 14th championship. I’m done whining. Randall Cobb’s versatility was the reason they re-signed him so quickly this off-season. A defense like Seattle’s presents a good reason to use him. Expect a heavy dose of Tex Cobb.

TE JIMMY GRAHAM $7100

FACT: Last years NFC Championship game exposed Seattles receivers as physically weak and easy to Jam. Trading for Jimmy Graham was the result of that awful performance (that and getting tossed at the goal line at the end of the Superbowl).  Good thing Green Bay doesn’t care about tight ends.  Especially if they’re good.  The Packers lost Sam Barrington for the season week 1. Jimmy Graham will have sex with season ticket holders row 1.

K ADAM VINATIERI $5000

The Colts don’t stop moving the ball and TY Hilton is banged up. Don’t skimp on the kicker position or you’ll wind up kicking yourself!

D  DOLPHIN $5100 (KANSAS CITY $4400)

Its an ALL YEAR DOLPHIN PARTY.  Never do not have these maniacs in one of your line-ups.

Dolphin Party
Dolphin Party
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Nate Craig
Nate Craig is owner and operator of “ROSCOE PICO TRAIN” inc. One time, ten team “It’s The Only Thing” fantasy league champion & 4 time University of Wisconsin intramural hockey champion. Nate is a professional comedian and has never played competitive football at any level which qualifies him to run half of the teams in the NFL. These picks are guaranteed, rock solid speculation and are meant only to help Fan Duel and Draft Kings pay for more television ads.

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